So the other day, I was gisting with my friends about school, politics, fashion, males and life in general. Allow me introduce you to Jane and Thelma.

Jane is a Lagos-based bini girl; God fearing, smart, mean, stubborn and very unromantic.

Thelma is a twenty-something year-old from Akwa-Ibom. She is God fearing, smart, pretty, soft-spoken and business-oriented. Thelma allows me share her ijebu garri, so I’d say she’s nice too.

She has this male friend that apparently likes her very much and has even asked her out before. She turned him down but remained close friends with him(at the time of this conversation, they still were). Meanwhile, ‘Mr male friend’ has a girlfriend in a lower class(300level or so) who is aware that her boyfriend likes and might jump at the slightest opportunity to date Thelma. My dear friend goes to visit him and has met ‘Miss girlfriend’ there; not once, not two times. Yet, she does not see anything wrong in remaining close friends with ‘mr male friend’.

Jane on the other hand has this bros on her radar(so to speak). He calls her very often(I know because she is my room mate). You know those really long phone calls that leave you wondering how much the caller spends on airtime daily? She has known him for close to five years, though there was a break somewhere along the line.

Babe was beginning to catch feelings for bros but he was in a relationship. One day, Jane said to him, “You keep calling me for several hours. How do you even have time for your girlfriend”? Bros did not expect that, so he did not have an already-made answer. That led to the end of their friendship. My mean friend advised him to channel the time and energy to his relationship.

The issue here is, should you be close to someone else’s girlfriend/ wife or boyfriend/husband?

Thelma says, “I’ve been friends with him. Long before ‘miss girlfriend’ even got admission into school. Why should I start ignoring him just because he now has a girlfriend?” What if you were the girlfriend and there was this female somewhere forming bestie with him?

Bros is back on Jane’s matter. This time, he has a new girlfriend. Worse still is the fact that he now works with a telecomms company. More hours on phone accompanied with countless messages on blackberry messenger! Last week, during one of his calls, Jane decided to ask again. “What do you want from me?” He went on about how he feels comfortable talking to her and confiding in her. Please, why do you have a girlfriend? What exactly is she there for?

I have met a couple of males like that too. You have a girlfriend yet you want us to be close? Don’t even get me started on being myopic or paranoid. The usual gist is ‘Things are not working out between us’. Ehn, if they aren’t, shouldn’t you work it out or end it in the event that too much water has gone under the bridge? Is it now cool to be besties with another man’s woman?

In my humble opinion, it is unacceptable. I cannot even begin to overemphasize it. I would not want someone I’m dating or married to, confiding or being uncomfortably close to another female… Or vice versa. One of my favourite quotes has always been, “Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t have them do to you.” If you were best friends, childhood friends, family friends, church friends, whatever before we started dating or got married, God bless you for your kindness towards him. I’m here now, kindly ‘dey your lane’! Q.E.D!

In the words of Vanessa Williams, “How can you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me?”

Oghogho Omorotionmwan is a freelance blogger who enjoys gisting, sleeping and surfing the net. She is also very interested in fashion. she is currently a Geology major at the University of Benin, Benin-city. You can also follow her on twitter: @owggee


48 thoughts on “PLUS ONE.

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  1. Funny how life is smtimes,as much as i hate to admit, am kinda besties wif a guy whose hooked bt wudnt have “MY GUY” do that to me,its jst platonic ohhhh,good job owgee,


  2. Good stuff.. Ur writin technique/style is unique n beautiful jst like u.. Wld hv doubted if u actually wrote these pieces if not that somehw, I can visualise u.. Keep it up dearie!


  3. Speaking the minds of girls who read this and sighed while thinking of specific males, I’d be much obliged if guys could leave their opinions and not just slink away after reading. πŸ™‚


  4. …A few lessons down the piece. Makings of an exceptional writer. I’ve got ‘female friends’ myself; we share dreams and all but to an extent. There’s a drawn line. We don’t go past it. Maturity, discipline and God’s fear helps through…


    1. Chuba, your comment spoke my mind. No need to alienate friends because of a relationship, Tho calling a close friend at 3 in the morning just to ‘hear his/her voice’ is far off the threshold of ‘just friends’. If I were d gf, I’d trace that 3am restless soul, and we’d have a long chat.
      With everything, d key is finding a balance. *my widow’s mite*


  5. Yes ooo, dearie. I totally agree wt u.pple shud forget past close friendships of any sort(whether family,female,male) etc and be willin to adjust it to “acquaintance-levels”.we all shud be willin to accept all d necessary changes dat come wt commiting ourselves into relationships.nice piece gal, may ur pen neva run dry…..


    1. Exactly Dr Rahmat! “We all should be willing to accept all the necessary changes that come with committing ourselves into relationships!” Thanks for reading dear!


  6. Word!I jus talked abt this the other day&my final answer is NO!u shud never be “bffs” w/sum1’s guy/girl..go get a darn puppy!It all comes down to choice;wat u CAN’T do witout!the “friendship” or the relationship,dnt be sitting on the fence,best of both world.u either sh*t or get off the darn loo!


  7. Wait a minute,Serena Williams actually made dat statement?? pleasantly surprised..So aside her obvious physical endowments,she’s got brainz too??Nice 2 know…lol…Ok d issue @ hand,I feel everyman’s best friend/closest friend should be his wife/gf,as d case may be…it doesn’t make any sense to be dating one girl,and still be spending very long hours with another..Invest your time into your relationship,or don’t enter into any relationship @ all…Then u’d be free to spend your time with whoever u want…


    1. Atomon is back! Vanessa Williams actually, not Serena. “Invest your time into your relationship, or don’t enter into any relationship @ all.” If you’d be comfortable with your girlfriend or wife having a close male friend, why not? you can have as many as you want! But the Atomon I know would send her packing. Correct me if I’m wrong. Thanks for reading!


  8. But then again,being in a relationship doesn’t mean u stop having friends,or u stop being friends with those girls u knew before..Its all abt setting your priorities,and knowing who comes first..once dat is settled,I dnt think there’ll be any problems…but then again I could be wrong,after-all av never really bn in a real relationship…I’ve just bn busy forming everybody’s guy….Does dat count??..


  9. Nice one!but I do not see nytin wrong in hvin a close frnd(genuie frnd). of d opp sex wen u r datin smeone else if ur intentions r clean buh u must set ur priorities strait in ur relationship n alwys mke it first.


  10. Oh well, it is certainly a nicely written article, Owgee.

    However, I couldn’t help but notice that the article addresses only the man who’s already emotionally attached to his the other girl; the man who’s clearly guilty of infidelity, at least emotionally.

    But how about the man who’s not?

    I’m not sure I know any men who think that a girl who compels you, actively or passively, into giving up your friends of the opposite sex because you’re seeing her is a keeper.

    I’d have thought it’d make more sense to become friends with the woman/girl in question, especially if she was there before you. She probably knows him better than you do. And she’s also probably rooting for you every step of the way. Why would you want to antagonize that? By the way, that’s experience talking. Like I often used to say to my ex: if I wanted to be with that girl, I wouldn’t be with you.

    A man needs his PLATONIC friends. I’m a man; I should know.


    1. We all need our platonic friends. How do you know a man who’s not guilty of emotional infidelity? This isn’t about giving up your friends of the opposite sex. It is about knowing where to draw the line. Again, I hear that your partner should be your best friend. Just keep your distance, dasall! Thanks for reading Okang!


      1. Oh well, that seems to be the prevalent sentiment in most of the comments.

        Emotional infidelity is something many of us are familiar with; we usually refer to it as not knowing where to draw the line. But I defer, or at least I beg to.

        We all usually know where to draw the line; we just often choose not to.

        Your partner should be your best friend, but truthfully, we need to quit with the relationship clichΓ©s. Real friendships are made over time. They are not conferred nor are they situational benefits. It is fair to say love accelerates friendship, but don’t expect to suddenly switch places overnight, especially against someone who has been friends with your man all her life.

        That said, trust is foundational to relationships. If you don’t trust him to stay emotionally detached from his friendships (which is a function of maturity), then you shouldn’t be with him.


  11. True talk owgee,all them guys are just confused dats what i really think, u can’t eat ur cake n ve it.make a choice. choose ♍Ƹ̴ all d way or forget it. Don’t wanna be someguy’s unoffical girlfriend.


  12. 1 of ur luvliest pieces gal….kip it up….bt wait som gals no dey try too..wen dey ve probs dey talk to anoda guy instead of “d” guy n we all knw naija guys no dey dull so dey take advantage sharpenly of d situation….nyway in my opinion if u must remain friends wit dat old friend den ur partner must b close frnds wit dat person too


  13. Nice & intresting piece again! Trust me I hear you Owgee, but the one thing I like to believe is that “Friendship is valueless”; but that’s jus me sha


  14. nyc piece again. it all depends on individual intentions ( guy or girl) and d nature of the guy’s present of course, dr r boundaries to d roles a frnd play in d said relatnshp. if i’m in a relatnshp nd wanna mk thngs work out , i wud strive to makin my gf be my person, not clinging to whoevr has been in dat spot b4.nt necessary doin away wit dem, jst setting up priorities.


  15. Think I need 2 make a better comment bout d piece nw. Coming 4rm my relationship point of view,really don’t tink ur friendship should spoil ur relatnship bt at d same time u don’t push ur friends away cos of a relatnshp. My bestfriends especially in need are always females. Wud nt stop havin long calls wit sum of my friends(owgee especially;men she is so much fun and makes me laugh) 4 any relatnship atlist nt yet,dats takin it too far 4 my age I guess. Dere is time 4 evrytin,dat also applies 2 relatnships,babe wait till wen u wear d ring b4 u strangle me.


  16. I have a best friend that’s male, and I have a boy friend. My best friend just happens to be male, nothing I chose or would have preferred, it just happened. My boyfrnd hates it of course. Lol. But hey, it works pretty well and I draw lines. But I know a lot would change once my bestie gets a gf sha, or maybe not. If she’s like me, she wouldn’t mind. Because I wouldn’t mind either.


  17. I love, I lav and larv 🙌. Lol@’God bless you for your kindness, I’m here now kindly dey your lane’! Love the Vanessa Williams quote


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