So the other day, I was gisting with my friends about school, politics, fashion, males and life in general. Allow me introduce you to Jane and Thelma.
Jane is a Lagos-based bini girl; God fearing, smart, mean, stubborn and very unromantic.
Thelma is a twenty-something year-old from Akwa-Ibom. She is God fearing, smart, pretty, soft-spoken and business-oriented. Thelma allows me share her ijebu garri, so I’d say she’s nice too.
She has this male friend that apparently likes her very much and has even asked her out before. She turned him down but remained close friends with him(at the time of this conversation, they still were). Meanwhile, ‘Mr male friend’ has a girlfriend in a lower class(300level or so) who is aware that her boyfriend likes and might jump at the slightest opportunity to date Thelma. My dear friend goes to visit him and has met ‘Miss girlfriend’ there; not once, not two times. Yet, she does not see anything wrong in remaining close friends with ‘mr male friend’.
Jane on the other hand has this bros on her radar(so to speak). He calls her very often(I know because she is my room mate). You know those really long phone calls that leave you wondering how much the caller spends on airtime daily? She has known him for close to five years, though there was a break somewhere along the line.
Babe was beginning to catch feelings for bros but he was in a relationship. One day, Jane said to him, “You keep calling me for several hours. How do you even have time for your girlfriend”? Bros did not expect that, so he did not have an already-made answer. That led to the end of their friendship. My mean friend advised him to channel the time and energy to his relationship.
The issue here is, should you be close to someone else’s girlfriend/ wife or boyfriend/husband?
Thelma says, “I’ve been friends with him. Long before ‘miss girlfriend’ even got admission into school. Why should I start ignoring him just because he now has a girlfriend?” What if you were the girlfriend and there was this female somewhere forming bestie with him?
Bros is back on Jane’s matter. This time, he has a new girlfriend. Worse still is the fact that he now works with a telecomms company. More hours on phone accompanied with countless messages on blackberry messenger! Last week, during one of his calls, Jane decided to ask again. “What do you want from me?” He went on about how he feels comfortable talking to her and confiding in her. Please, why do you have a girlfriend? What exactly is she there for?
I have met a couple of males like that too. You have a girlfriend yet you want us to be close? Don’t even get me started on being myopic or paranoid. The usual gist is ‘Things are not working out between us’. Ehn, if they aren’t, shouldn’t you work it out or end it in the event that too much water has gone under the bridge? Is it now cool to be besties with another man’s woman?
In my humble opinion, it is unacceptable. I cannot even begin to overemphasize it. I would not want someone I’m dating or married to, confiding or being uncomfortably close to another female… Or vice versa. One of my favourite quotes has always been, “Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t have them do to you.” If you were best friends, childhood friends, family friends, church friends, whatever before we started dating or got married, God bless you for your kindness towards him. I’m here now, kindly ‘dey your lane’! Q.E.D!
In the words of Vanessa Williams, “How can you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me?”
Oghogho Omorotionmwan is a freelance blogger who enjoys gisting, sleeping and surfing the net. She is also very interested in fashion. she is currently a Geology major at the University of Benin, Benin-city. You can also follow her on twitter: @owggee